I've Had So Much I Might End This Sentence in Mid

Okay, hypothetically, if you're going on a mission to, say, catch a guilty whale. And while you were catching the whale, you saw something else that may be another whale, and you were like, "What?" But then you thought, "Maybe it's not a whale. Maybe it's a big fish. Maybe it's a submarine with a face painted on it." The point is, if I kill the first whale, am I technically a murderer?

Vamlumtimes.

Age 8: Mandatory Valentines exchange. Give out Garfield-themed Valentines. Dead silence.
Age 9: Mandatory Valentines exchange. Give out James A. Garfield-themed Valentines. Class hero.
Age 12: Friend unable to buy a rose through a Student Council program coerces me to buy the rose for his love interest on his behalf. Accidentally send it to the wrong person, who recognizes my handwriting. Girl with “Butz” in her last name convinced I have a crush on her.
Age 13: Something about a school dance. Something about R. Kelly. Details hazy.
Age 16: Dance with girl at dance. She never says a word.
Age 19: Avoid talking to girl who I went on date with past weekend, after finding out that she was rather fond of rotten.com (you probably shouldn’t look) and “animal porn.” I didn’t ask.
Age 20: Friend and his girlfriend hosting a couples wine party. Ask Girl to go with me. Is just Friend, Girl, and me, drinking Captain Morgan straight from the bottle.
Age 21: Have actual girlfriend. Joan of Arcadia, heart-shaped pizza.
Age 22: Still have actual girlfriend. Heart. Shaped. Pizza.
Age 23: Send excellent present to actual girlfriend.

This was probably unnecessary.

  1. matt-t said: yo fuck anyone who didn’t appreciate your Garfield valentines
  2. whiskey-robot said: wait age 20 is not me
  3. whiskey-robot reblogged this from allthewhiskeyinheaven and added:
    am 21-23!!! WOOOO pizza...think upn further reflectoin...am...
  4. allthewhiskeyinheaven posted this